At the Denver museum of science

Emily playing mind games

Science experiment

A gray-haired couple

I took Emily to Wendy's today just her and I for a frosty. It was rainy and there weren't too many people there. But I did notice a couple sitting a few tables away. They were probably in their late 60's. They sat eating their dinner in silence. Maybe it was a comfortable knowing, that they've been together for so long it's okay to not say anything. Or maybe it's a quiet resign. Their marraige hasn't ever been that fulfilling but neither one wants to put forth the effort to make it so. And so they sit quietly eating, not really looking at eachother. I think it's kind of sad actually. I don't want to be that way with Taylor. Smiling is important. Talking is important. Laughing is important. The conversation doesn't have to be profound. I don't remember much of what Emily and I talked about but we had a good time and I think she likes when I take her out. I need to do that more with my girls. Evan's easy because he's with me more. I also have a goal to get the kids to bed earlier so Taylor and I can have time at night to talk. I usually fall asleep putting the kids to bed.

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The floor is slowly but surely coming along. I may post pictures someday.

I am not my successes or my failures

I think it's important to remind myself from time to time that I am not my successes or failures. I own a small business and it's easy to take the emotional roller-coaster that goes along with feeling on top and on the bottom based on the success of my business. But at the end of the day I think all that matters is that I try my hardest and hold to high moral standards. Some days it's so stressful I want to throw in the towel and other days I feel like I've really accomplished something and nothing can stop me. I think I have an entreprenuer spirit because I'm always on the lookout for an opportunity. I've stuck with this for two years and so far so good. Debt free and profitable since day one (okay, maybe day 30 for the profitable part, but always debt-free). Impulsiveness has it's advantages. I act and then I think.

I think about what success is a lot. I look at other people and think I'm not this enough or I'm not that enough. I don't want to think that way but I've realized it's part of my nature, to feel inadequate. I never feel like I'm doing or accomplishing enough. No matter what I'm doing, I feel guilty about what I'm not doing. So today I am reminding myself that I am a much bigger spirit than these 83.3 years of mortality will let me find or express. I really haven't the slightest idea of who I am or what I'm capable of and frankly that's quite exciting.

Evan in action, girls at camp Kiwa

Evan working on his kicks and the girls at camp Kiwa. Everyone's having a good summer so far.

Don't roast a turkey in June, camp Kiwa

I cooked a 20-lb turkey today because I wanted it out of my freezer. It's been in there since Thanksgiving. I bought an extra because they were on sale, thinking I'd cook it later. This was not a good idea. I am not a big fan of turkey, especially when I cook it on a day that's already 90 degrees. Now I know.

My girls are in camp Kiwa all week this week. It's their 4th year. They love it every year. It's up the canyon just past Lyons, about 15 minutes from our house. It's a day camp except the last night 9-yr-olds and up get to sleep over, which Emily is excited about. Evan and I have been bike-riding yesterday and today after we dropped the girls off and we're going again tomorrow.

Happy Father's Day

Dear Taylor,
Yesterday was Father's Day and I wanted to tell you some of my thoughts about that. You are a wonderful Father. Right now you are bikeriding with our kids. You always take time for them, no matter how stressful or busy other parts of your life are (and they are). You can somehow shrug that off and be present with them and I really admire this. They know you're the "fun" one and always look forward to Dad coming home. I admire so much about you and think often of all of your good qualities. I'm so glad I married you and that our children have such a wonderful father as you.
Love,
me

Impulsive

Taylor says I'm impulsive and it's true. I got the crazy idea to refinish my hardwood floors. Myself. So what do I do? Go to Budget Home Center and rent a 150-lb floor sander. Do I have any idea what I'm doing? Of course not. Meanwhile, Taylor is on a 3-day backpacking trip with the scouts. He came home Saturday morning to a very dusty house and a stripped-up kitchen floor. I didn't hear him come in (the sander is loud) and I smiled and said, "Are you mad?" and he said, "No." But when he got out of the shower he said maybe that's not exactly what he wanted to come home to after camping 3 days. I didn't finish and now I see this was (and will be) a really huge project. I lay in bed this morning hoping that maybe I just dreamt I sanded the floor and that I'd wake up to my old floor. Not so. It's kind of like the time I decided to retile the upstairs bathroom. I went to a class at the Home Depot and the next day I bashed out the shower walls. Then I wondered what on earth I had gotten myself into. But, one thing at a time, I (with Taylor's help for the hardy-backer) finished the project and now have a beautifully tiled bathroom, if I do say so myself. Hopefully the same will be true of my hardwood floor.

Evans new goggles

Evan and I are waiting for our oil change at brakes plus.  He really wants to go swimming.

Sandstone park

Dog For Sale and other important things

Is it bad that I'm not a big fan of Jake? I hope Sam and Carol aren't reading. You know how after you have a baby it can take a day or two to bond, to feel like it's yours? Well we got Jake a year and a half ago and I still haven't felt any bonding with Jake. He's hairy, smelly and always underfoot. And pee spots in the grass. And dog hair in the darndest places (like our food- yuck). He's a really good dog, don't get me wrong. I'm just not a dog person I've discoverd. There's people that plan their lives around their pets. That's wierd. But the kids are pretty attached and wouldn't ever forgive me if I got rid of him. So he's actually not for sale, but maybe we could do like a dog time share, if anyone's interested. You take him one week and we'll take him back the next. Poor Jake.
Back to the "breakthrough". To Taylor's credit, he's taken quite an initiative to be better about giving me what I want. An arm around the waist, holding my hand, a hug. His 'love language' is 'words of affirmation', which I've been trying to better about too. The book's website said this:
"After many years of counseling, Dr. Chapman noticed a pattern: everyone he had ever counseled had a “love language,” a primary way of expressing and interpreting love. He also discovered that, for whatever reason, people are usually drawn to those who speak a different love language than their own." Okay, that's pretty much Taylor and I. Different love languages. But at least we made this discovery and we've acknowledged it and we're working to speak eachother's love languages.
My kids are in the kitchen making cookies. I don't know if I'm ready to face the mess...but I better.

Boulder Canyon

Girl's Night Out with Missy

You always make me laugh Missy!!

Swimming today at sunset

Playing at Thompson park

Sunday afternoon thoughts on eternity

It's 90 degrees today. And yesterday was about the same. We went up to RMNP again this weekend and camped out. That was Friday and Saturday. Then we came back and got to work on various home projects. Taylor fixed the sprinklers (that haven't worked for like 3 years). That was a 4 hour project. I admired his sweaty hard-working body from time to time as I was inside cleaning.

I've been thinking about eternity lately. Not to sound cliche. But you can't help but have those thoughts from time to time. We are mortal and so finite and limited in our understanding. I've just been having like these...oh I don't know...flashes I guess of how small, short, and quick this mortality thing is. It's comforting actually. I wouldn't want to stay here forever. I look forward to what's next. I was talking to a friend who's mother passed away and we were rapping up the conversation. I gave her my condolences for her mother passing and she said something like, "Well, death is a part of life, unfortunatly." I wanted to say (but didn't), "Actually I'd have to say it's rather fortunate than unfortunate. It's exciting really that this life isn't all there is." If we live forever and we lived before we came here for..some really long period of time I can't fathom, then our life here on earth is like a grain of sand on a beach streching out as far as the eye can see. The only fear I have of death right now is those I'd leave behind because I have a young family. But otherwise I view it simply as a new adventure. I think about it alot actually. Not death per say but just what's next, what else is out there. When we were camping this weekend I looked at the stars. Every time I do I'm transported. The universe is so much bigger than I can comprehend and when I look up at night I can see how small I am. I think of the majesty of God and how He is in charge of all of this, all of us. He created this vast universe yet he is the same God I kneel down to at night and pray to, the same God who helps me find my keys and comforts me when I'm having a bad day.