Forgivenes

I've recently had to forgive someone in my life.  It was hard.  Really hard.  I've never hated anyone before this.. and it's not a nice feeling.  I let myself hate this person for a few months until this past Sunday I couldn't take it anymore and called them up and said 'let's go for a walk'.  She (ok, I was going to keep it 'them' but that makes writing tricky) was probably really scared, because she was the 'offender' and felt terrible for what she did.  But she agreed.  It was a rainy Monday evening.  I went to our designated meeting place and since it was raining I got in her car.  She reached over and hugged me and I hugged her back.  She apologized again for what she had done.  I had only talked to her over the phone and felt we needed an in person meeting.  We talked until the rain cleared then we walked.  As we talked my feelings of hate for her started to diminish.  I finally have a little peace now that I can let go of the hate.  It doesn't excuse what she did, but it happened and I can't change that.  The only thing I have to work with is my own attitude and my decision to forgive.  All my life I've taught and been taught that we have to forgive others.  But it's a whole different story when something personal and hurtful happens to you or is done to you.  Then it's real and you have to search down deep to find if you have the strength to do the thing you know you should.  For a long time, I honestly didn't think I had it in me to be free of hating her.  But after a sincere prayer and some contemplation, I had the distinct impression that if I wanted to heal from this, I had to talk to her in person.  And tell her I forgave her.  I told her how I had hated her, how she hurt me, and how angry I was, which she knew but I had to say it in person.  Then I also was able to tell her that us talking was able to help those hateful feelings go away, and that I could forgive her and wanted her to be able to move on too.