Breakthrough

Yesterday was a breakthrough. Taylor and I went on a short walk (sin kiddos) and had a breakthrough. I'm always wishing he would hold my hand, put an arm around me, etc. and occasionally I mention this to which I am met with a myriad of reasons he can't or couldn't- i.e., kids, busy, etc. But yesterday we didn't have any distractions and I said wait.. here is an opportunity to hold my hand and you aren't because? I need an answer. He thought and finally said, "to be honest, I'm just not a touchy-feely sort of person." At first I was hurt but then I said I think this is progress. It's not your love language but it's mine so now you know that and I know that. And he said he will try to be better. And he did today, hold my hand and put his arm around me a few times. And this only took 11 years to figure out.

Beardstat Lake hike

AnDrawing

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Silly Sunday pictures

Sunday

Taylor did all the dinner dishes last night:) He is a good husband and daddy. He gave me a power drill for my birthday, which I forgot to mention yeseterday. It's not what you think. I asked for a power drill. I'm a hands-on kind of gal. Home Depot is one of my favorite stores. Actually my top two are Home Depot and Ann Taylor. Love them both.
I'm primary president in our ward. I think every Mormon woman has to be primary president at some point. It's kind of like a rite of passage in Mormon womanhood. I do enjoy it. It's actually easier in my opinion than being a teacher. Well, maybe not less work per say. But I had the hardest time as a teacher staying awake during sharing time. But now I'm busy enough during sharing time I never have time to nod off. I may have narcolepsy or whatever the condition is when you fall asleep really easily. Sitting through Sunday school without falling asleep is pretty much impossible for me. I'm one of those people that nods off, head gradually lowering until I wake with a start and embarass myself. I can't help it though. It just happens as much as I try to fight it.
Sunday is a day of rest, or so they say. That's not usually the case at our house. Has anyone with three small kids at home felt "rested" at the end of the day? I bet not. At least it's a day of not thinking about work and trying to refocus on the important things in life. I have to admit there have been a few hours here and there in our Sundays lately that feel restful. Emily spends more and more time off by herself reading and Olivia and Evan play together. As long as Evan is following Olivia's instructions there is peace but every so often a fight erupts. Or every so often if they are being really quiet I know I need to go check what manner of destruction they are causing.

Birthday

Today is my Birthday. I'm 32. We got back from our weekend trip to the Great Sand Dunes. The dunes were pretty cool. I'd go back. We lost most of our pictures but we did get some good ones. The camera got sand in it and isn't working anymore. Sad. We took so many pictures. We stayed in a rustic cabin in Mosca near the dunes. We got up at 6 yesterday and were at the dunes by 6:30. You have to cross a shallow riverbed to get to the dunes, which was interesting. Not for the faint of heart. It's a watertable that saturates the sand with meltoff from the mountains and runs about a quarter mile wide (my guess). It's anywhere from an inch or so to a foot and a half deep in different spots. And at 6:30 in the morning it was so cold my feet ached crossing it. The kids were having so much fun they didn't say much about it being cold. But later in the day it warmed up and was really fun to play in. We'd definatly go back. It reminded me of playing at the dunes in Saudi. We spent many family nights out at the dunes. Of course we didn't have to drive very far to get to them, just out of town.

Last night we stayed in Pueblo at a hotel so we could shower and then today we went to the Colorado Springs Zoo on our way back. It was alright but a little too hot and it's hard to have fun in the heat. The kids did pretty well until we started driving back and they had a meltdown over a water bottle. Somehow it escalated to Taylor yelling at them (they were being really really naughty- just the girls, Evan fell asleep) and almost crashing at a round-about. Then we pulled over and he gave Emi a good swat on the bum (he couldn't reach Olivia who was hiding in the back.) I don't know if you're supposed to blog about those parts of a vacation but here it is anyway.

On our way to Great Sand Dunes in Alamosa

Experiment

Does saying I love you count? Probably not. But that was yesterday. Today I told him I wanted to give him a back massage later ( he's still on the computer so we'll see). I don't know, maybe it was a dumb idea to commit to posting something every day about saying something positive. Im still going to focus on saying something positive to him everyday but writing about it..not so much.
I worked in the yard today and built that path. I had to cut some edging and couldnt figure out a way to so I got out the blow torch and heated the spot and bent it several times till it broke. Go me.
My kids had their last day of school. Emily won an award for the book she and some classmates sent to scholastic. They got an honorable mention and $500 for the school. I got an award too since I organized the group only I wasn't at the assembly because I didn't even know there was one. Apparently there's a school assembly every year that the parents are supposed to go to and somehow in 4 years I never knew that. I felt like a bad parent. But I'm over it.

2010-01-16 14.27.09.jpg

I found this picture from a hike in January. We look happy:)

I built this path today

Driving kids to their last day of school

Alpine glow

Driving up to RMNP

Taylor asked on his way home if I could pack a picnic so we could drive up to the mountains.  We saw an elk right outside our car door.

Experiment

Yesterday I emailed Taylor and told him how much I loved him and how I just want to have a really strong marriage with no more arguing and some other unmentionable mushy love stuff. When he came home from work he thanked me for the email. He didn't say much else about it but we really connected later that night..if you know what I mean.

This morning I hugged him and told him how much I appreaciate all his hard work and what a good husband and father he is. He said thank you.

He gets pretty stressed at work sometimes, well, a lot of times, and it's hard to know how much of the discord in our marriage is from work stress and how much is us. Not that we have a lot of dicord.. I just think it could be better. But I know sometimes I have expectations for him and it's like I'm just waiting when I could be doing the things for him that I want him to do for me. I know I shouldn't compare but sometimes I look at other couples, and lately it's the nieniedialouges, and I wonder why that's not us. Mr. Nielson absolutely adores Stephanie. He dotes over her. This weekend, he flew back to Utah, drove back to AZ with 2 of their kids and more of their stuff, because of her unexpected surgery and said he felt guilty that while he was gone she had a touch-up surgery and he wasn't there for her but now he's back by her side and so happy to be with his sweatheart again. It seems unreal but this is their life and she blogs every day, except when she can't and he writes instead. What does he do for a living? Does he get stressed with a job and 4 kids? He doesn't seem to.

Kite flying today

Experiment

So I haven't been perfect at this. I have been posting pretty consistanly, even if it's just a photo. But I didn't finish the experiment, so now maybe I should start over. Day one today. I'll try again. Say something positive everyday to my husband and record it here. I can do that.

Marraige is like the scripture in Moroni 7:45 on charity:

"And charity suffereth long, and is kind, envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, and edureth all things."

That one sentance has all the marraige advice any couple ever needed. If we put our spouse's desires ahead of our own, are kind, are not easily provoked, and think no evil, our marraige will not only survive but thrive. We can have a bit of heaven on earth. That's what a good marraige should be. Where marraiges have failed, these simple principles were not followed. The most common cause I see around me today of failed marraiges is infidelity. One partner was seeking their own, thinking evil, etc. and threw away eternal hapiness for temporary lust. I guess it's partly on my mind because I know of about 4 couples, friends and family, that are ending their marraiges around the same time. It's hard to say that any of them just weren't meant for eachother. It looks, at least from the outside, like things could've worked out much differently and much better if there was a concern for the other on the part of each spouse, that they placed above their own desires. I think it's something that comes naturally when we're dating someone. We've found someone that makes us want to be a better person, we're attracted to them, etc. and we swear our undying love for eachother in between desire-filled kisses. But then we get married, have kids, and start to forget about how we felt then. That's when we have to put forth more effort. There may be days where I don't feel a spontaneous attraction to Taylor- the kids are all fighting, the house is a mess, unfinished conversations hang in the air as chaos reins and it's way past bedtime- but that's when love becomes a verb. Sometimes it's something so small. I remember one time he came home from work, dinner wasn't ready and the kids were being particularty bad and I was feeling particularly harried and he walked in as I was giving the kids the "what-for" in a loud voice. He simply said,"what can I do to help, hon?" That saved the night I tell you. He could've gotten mad at me for yelling at the kids, or because he was really hungry and dinner wasn't ready, but instead he just asked how he could help. I loved him in that moment for those words. We have those choices every day. Do we give in to what's easy and try to get what we want, or do we look at our spouse and think about their needs and what we can do for them? I'm going to try the latter.

Our little secret

I took Evan out for a frosty, just me and him.  I told him not to tell his sisters.  He said,"OK, it's our little secret."

Evans 2nd preschool graduation

I did get him a food dehydrator, and beef jerky gun. We'll be all ready for our Teton trip with beef jerky and other dehydrated foods.

Olivia's looking suspicious.  Taylor's about to pull her tooth.

Experiment

Day 9.I've had a rotten cold the past few days and haven't even said anything nice today.

Some more tree ring paintings

Olivia made this for me today

Experiment

Day 5:
Over dinner..
Me: dad sure is a hard worker
Him: yep
Day 6:
We went rock climbing.
Me: you looked really good up there. Nice climbing.
Him: (getting suspicious of all these compliments)
Did I turn you on or something?
Me: You always turn me on.
His birthday is on Wednesday. He wants a food dehydrator.

Experiment

Since starting my 30-day say-something-positive-challenge, I can feel already in day 4 a difference. I haven't been a perfect wife but a better wife. Rather than thinking about the negative, I'm searching for something positive. And even if he doesn't see a difference yet, I can feel a bit of a difference in my thinking pattern. For example, if he says or does something that I might be tempted to repsond negatively to, instead I am trying to find something positive. This seems small but I think it could be a really good thing and help us make some changes for the better.

Taylor was talking about how all dentists websites say the same thing and how can his stand out.
Me: well first of all you're better looking than all those other dentists. (This is my daily positive thing.)
Him: that's true.

Nothing profound but hey I said I would do it every day for 30 days.
Goodnight

oil painting 3/10

Evans portrait of me

Experiment Day 2

Taylor showed me pictures of crowns he placed today that turned out really nice. 7 on one guy.
him: "what do you think?"
me: "They look great. You're amazing." I put my hand on his neck.
him: "I know" he smiles.

Later, we pick up the camry. On the way, he raises his voice over something, I get defensive. He grabs my arm "now listen to me..." I wasn't listening. I was hurt. I hate fighting. I clam up and my mind goes blank, which makes him madder. I stare out the window. Maybe I'm too sensitive. Maybe I'm about to get my period. Tears stream down my cheeks. I hop out of the car and pay for the camry and hand him the keys. He wants to talk about it, but I don't, I just want to go. I stopped by the store with Evan. When we get back he asks me if he can help with dinner and says he loves me and I say I love you too. I go in the bathroom and cry, which I haven't done for a long time (not counting earlier in the evening). I flush, and resume making dinner. Which wasn't that great.

Now it's time for the bedtime routine. He's at church.

I did these today. Circles on found wood.

new name

I had to change my blog url because I actually would rather not have anyone I know read this. So I can't just put my full name there. I have 17 views. Is that just the times I've gotten on? Wierd.
Taylor was sweet to me this morning. I was a sleepy head because I stayed up till 11:30 last night and didn't wake up till he kissed me at 5:50 to say goodbye. I'm usually up with him at 5:00. Taylor took the van because the camry wouldn't start again. I had it towed to get a new battery and test the alternater. I was going to jump it with a friend but when I tested (before hooking up cables) the battery started smoking. Not good. I called the mech. and he said Tow it! because it could blow up. Scarry.

9:20pm

Day 1 of experiment.
Pouring rain all day.
8:00pm Camry wouldn't start after Taylor's volleyball game.
8:30 We drive the van over armed with baking soda, paintbrush and water
8:35 which didn't work so we drive to Walmart to buy jumper cables, drive back
me: looking at directions on jumper cables, reading them aloud
him: "I know how to jump a car, OK?"
me: remembering my blog experiment, "Oh, I know you do. You're smart with that stuff. But I don't. I may need to know this someday." I put a hand on the back of his neck while I say this.
him: Ignores comment/touch. "Maybe it's not the battery." We're almost to the car. He jumps out (pouring rain), starts the car and we drive home.
Well, I don't think that bit about him being smart counted as my "something positive" so I try again when we're in the kitchen.
8:50 He tells me about a decorating idea he has for his office.
me: "You're really creative you know. That sounds really cool." and I look at him and smile.
This time I get a smile back. And then he started talking a little more.

Marraige

I've never been a consistant journal writer but there's something kind of cool about blogging. I guess it's becuase it's out there in this cyber cloud, where someone could actually read it if they wanted to. Wierd. Someone I don't know (or worse, someone I do) could read my deepest thoughts here. I'm sorry if you're reading.
I haven't told anyone about this blog yet. It's still my little secret. I told Taylor I started one but I didn't tell him what it's called (because it's such an unlikely name). But I doubt he'll remember I told him I started one anyway. Which brings me to my topic of the day. Marraige. Now if I'm going to document my life, or parts of it, I might as well have some goals. Something I'm working towards and tracking the progress of. So I'm going to start an experiment. And you, my friend, can read along and find out if it works. Now don't skip to the end. I'm basing this experiment/goal off something my mom told me.
People become what you tell them they are. I want to see if that's true. I'm not proud of this, but I have a list in my head of how I would change my husband if I could. And sometimes I tell him a thing or two on the list. But the problem is it's in a negative way "could you please pick up after yourself" or "I really wish you would take out the trash", etc. etc. which he does not respond well to. This is bad and I am the first to admit it. But the first step in changing is seeing what needs to change. I see it. It's only taken me 12 years, but hey, I'm slow. I get that our marraige could be much better and it starts with me. As Confucious said, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." So here's my first step, admission. Whew. Now, my proposal. Every day for the next 30 days, I will find one positive thing to say to my husband. I will write what I said on my blog, and I will also write his reaction and how things change. Now please understand my husband is loving and good and I have much to be grateful for from him. I also see that our marraige is less than it could be. We argue over dumb things sometimes and don't praise eachother enough. We are also both very busy and with 3 kids, have many unfinished conversations every day. But still, I will try. I think I can make a difference in our marraige. I hope I can say this one positive thing every day without sounding fake, which is sad..I should be doing this all the time anyway. But hey, there's that much more room for improvement. Wish me luck.

Evan at the river in Chataqua Park. My first mobile upload to my blog. Cool.

Emily Newborn

I'm not ordinarily going to post twice in the same day. But this is the opening day of my blog, and I thought of something else. In my last post I wrote what Taylor said after Emily was born, so I had to find a picture of him holding her in the hospital. He's a very good father. Here it is:
Yesterday was Mother's Day and it went pretty well till I lost my temper when they were all fighting over arranging the Mother's Day cards they had made me. I was in the middle of making dinner (yes, Taylor was helping- he did a very good job with the blueberry cobbler). "Stop fighting!" I yelled and knocked all the cards off in an effort to save the wall hanging they were setting them on from toppling on them. With hurt eyes they looked up at me. What had I done? I could've handled that much better. We got the cards rearranged on the piano, I told them all I loved them and we went back to making dinner with many helping hands and flour everywhere. I know as much as I try I can never be perfect for one whole day, even on Mother's Day.

Taylor took my ring to work today to make it sparkle again in his .."something"-inator that vibrates and gets dental instruments clean. I think it means a new chapter in our marraige. We have a good marraige but it could be "sparklier" and I really want that. I want to have the kind of love that NieNie and Mr. Nielson have for eachother, when their world was turned upside down. Or my granparents. They would sit in their front room watching a TV after she had her stroke and he would look across at her and say,"Ethelyn, I love you". And she would say (sometimes, when she could get the words out) "I know". At his viewing, they brought her in her wheelchair, and she looked on, not really knowing why all these people were there crying. "Where's Rod?" she asked. She still asks, 4 years later, about him and gets sad all over again when they explain to her again that he's passed away. My aunt and uncle are taking care of her now. I'm not sure why she's still here but I'm sure my grandpa is watching over her every day from Heaven, biding time until he can see his dear sweetheart again. I haven't seen, heard or read anything that has taught me more about love than what I witnessed from my grandpa caring for and loving my grandma. She is a lucky woman.

My First Post

This picture was taken in June of 2009 at Nancy Peter's farm. If I could live anywhere on earth, I think it would be Nancy Peter's farm. She has 5 acres, 3 horses, 2 cats, a cute farmhouse, some outbuildings and a dog named Marbles. But I don't think she's planning on selling anytime soon nor could we afford it. But we can dream. Left to right- Me in back, Olivia on my lap, Emily in between, Evan on Taylor's lap.

OK, I'm finally living in the 21st century and starting a blog. I have read very few other people's blogs (I'm busy enough living my own life, who has time to read about someone else's?) but I've read 1 or 2 that have inspired me. Especially NieNie's Dialogue, which you must read. I have a lot of half (or less) finished journals around the house and a lot of good intentions every year to be better about documenting my life. But today is a new day and I am finally sitting down to my computer to do what I have intended to do for some time. I called my blog "Ordinary Days" partly because one of my favorite songs right now is "Ordinary Day" by Emilie Mover, I forget, but also because that's exactly what I plan to write about, me and my family's ordinary days and the joy that I find in them.

For now, I'm going to pretend this is my private journal which only I will write and read, as therapy. So if you read, just remember you too probably have thoughts that others would raise an eyebrow at.

So what brought me to actually sitting down to do this? A few things actually. I've had this cloud hanging over me for the past few weeks..not depression...more like a longing to cling to every moment of life because it's all going by way too fast. Especially my kids. Sometimes when I can step back from the moment of "hurry this and hurry that, clean that up, etc.", like when I drop them off at school and watch them run off, I get this ache in my gut. I want to yell to them, "No, wait, come back, let's skip school and go shopping instead." But I know I can't, I have to let them go. A few days after I had Emily, Taylor was holdling her in his arms and he said, "I wish we could just stop everything else and just be her parents." Do you know the feeling? But life has a funny way of rolling on, like a train, and you try to take in as much as you can. Emily's 10 now, going on 17. I think one of the ways I can keep these moments is by blogging. I can write and I can take pictures and when I'm old I can remember. We can remember together. Taylor and I will grow old together.